January 18, 2006

• It’s been a while since I’ve cared about anything, really. Which is why
  I’ve not written here for a few months. And I guess this morning, I’ve
  realized why.

  So you see, I’ve spent the last couple of years Believing.

  I believed that
  “Things will get better.”
  “It’s not as bad as it seems.” and
  “I’ve gotten through worse, I can get through this.”

  And so far, I have – more or less…

  But then the crusher – the worst of it all was: “I believe in you.”

  So all this Faith I’ve put in your hands, all this Faith and Power I’ve
  given to you and him and him and her and so on and so forth – to all
  the very, very few people I’ve trusted to improve this world

  Well…. not one of you have ever deserved it then?

  Was it all …. was it all just bullshit you were feeding this captured
  animal, this incapacitated innocence? Because I will admit to that -
  yes, I will admit to
  that – that I’m as gullible as a dog that runs to fetch something you pretend to throw.

  And you can say that it’s Me I should believe in. You can say that I
  should have Faith in Myself. And you can say it’s Not Your Problem and
  Not Your Life and all the other excuses you can give me. But I just
  wanted to say:  I Believed in You, but I won’t anymore.

  I don’t believe in anything anymore.

  Thank you for showing me this.

  • 3:10 pm
  • 3 Comments