June 23, 2007

• After almost 4 years of sobriety, Beau is back in the bottle.

  He came home late last night and woke me up, calling my name to make sure I was in bed. He laid down at an angle, the entire weight of his upper body pushing me down until I couldn’t breathe, so I scooted closer to the edge of the bed. Then he got up, stumbled to the bathroom, and threw up.

  I tried to go back to sleep, but it was hours of keeping my eyes closed and lying very still and I must have fallen asleep at some point because the alarm clock, with its insistent, nagging drone, pulled me to morning.

  Sleepy…. disoriented…..  more numb than anything else. If I let myself feel, I’ll spend all day crying.

  Tomorrow is my birthday. I had asked for the day off, anticipating much carousing and revelry, but now more than anything, I don’t want to be here.

  • 9:43 am
  • 1 Comment