October 17, 2007
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My High School Reunion is on November 23. That’s roughly a month away. A month in which to anxiously bemoan my status as the One Who Still Lives With Their Parents And Shows Up Single. For Fuck’s sake, I think I saw one of my old classmates the other day, a pair of blond sproglets flanking her ankles. I did what any sane young woman would do – I hid in the back office until they left.
Alas, I can’t be so lucky every time. Ever since I started wearing glasses again, and El Jefe insists on us wearing our real names on our badges, it’s been easier for the High School Ghosts to come to my store and torment me of my failure (which is prolly most likely in my head – the failure part, not the visits from ex-classmates). So stuttering and blushing profusely, I talk to them about what they’re currently doing, who’s married to who, who’s had kids/ a sex-change operation/ an epiphany. More often than not, the answers surprise me, and that surprise leads to conversations about the current state of economics in the tech industry of Silicon Valley – except for the one time the conversation turned into a mini lecture from me about the ethics of keeping a turtle in a tupperware container.
Regardless, and despite the fact that I can be rather socially awkward at times, I always manage to steer the dialogues away from the parrot shitting on my shoulder and my hands smelling like snake shit to anything but.
So I’m really, really not looking forward to this reunion. It would be easier, I think, to bring a date – because I’m sure my ex-ex-boyfriend is going to be there with his new perfect blonde girlfriend, and it’ll be painful. I’m 97% sure it’s going to be painful. Which brings me to the point of this soliloquy: Find a date in 30 days.The options I’ve come up with so far, and suggestions from well-meaning friends and family have been:
1. Hire an escort. – my idea, which I’m going to keep as an option because of its secret novelty and the fact that it tickles my brain.
2. Go with that guy who delivers the rolls of Deli-Fresh. – despite the fact that he’s much older, he’s still quite fetching. A bonus would be his awesome refrigerated truck. Kinky, I know. But I think I’ll pass on this suggestion from well meaning workmates.
3. Take my brother. – Jules, I can see how that would be fun and all – I mean, he’d put me on his bar tab and everything – but we went to the same high school! How much weirder can that get?
4. Go with an old HS friend. – which might be ok, sis, if he’d want to, that is.
5. Take two of my hot friends as my lesbian lovers. – while this idea appeals to me on many hilarious levels, I think the emptiness of it would ruin what’s supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
6. Suck it up and go alone. – and get drunk. and refrain from crying. or meaningless one-night stands.Ok, so a little more than a month to tape my life together into something presentable…..
Comments (4)
I had my five year a few weeks ago, some time in august, i dont remember. my class of 723 students, we had 38 turn out and 2 were at the bar because thats where they drink on thursdays and didnt have any idea there was a reunion, winners. I ended up taking my little brothers ex-girlfriend because she was in town and we get along great. imagine my surprise when she knew a few people and they knew she was my lil’bros ex and then started thinking that she and I were dating. then to find out that I am one of three (minus the regulars) who still lives in our hometown and was one of the only who wasnt engaged/married/riddled with children, +1 for embarrassing. the night ended up being pretty fun, to my astonishment, and I was happy I went. so my suggestion would be to go and just have a good time, with or without and embarrassing date.
for what its worth, my choice would be for escort.
Authentic… go as your fabulous self. All-in. And have fun – bugger the pretensions and assumptions and worries. ‘Cause how you’re feeling? Every last one of your schoolmates are thinking the same things.
I can see how finding some fabulous date/escort would make the moment perfect or in the least suffieient in the eyes of a bunch of people who aren’t even your peers anymore. But either way, with or without a date go and “look fantastic, be nice to everybody, have a great time, you do that and you’re a rockstar.” Its so sad and pathetic that I have to quote some movie, but it rings true, it think, and besides I liked the movie.
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